Memories Hurt Worse Than Bullets
by Latente
Summary: After being apparently killed, Kirsten is back and trying to fix things up from the last tattered moments of her past life but things don't go quite as planned when Alucard is chained up and Kirsten has to become human (somehow) once again to get him out. However, just as the surprise of him being chained up, something else unexpected occurs between the two of them...
1. Prologue

"_Hey, Catherine! Pass it!" We were playing indoor hockey for winter games day and our little team for our house was winning, despite how we were one man short. The ball came shooting towards me and I got it under control with my hockey stick and I sprinted towards the opposite goal, getting inside the orange 'D' before hitting the ball, watching it as it sailed into the goal. My team celebrated and we high fived while Catherine and I, since we were both subscribed to PewDiePie, bro fisted. As the whistle blew for the end of the match, the overall results were made. My house came second since we'd lost one but that was pretty good since we had five while everyone else had six people in their team. The days flew by after that match since it was all the same apart from a few surprises that the teachers threw at us. It was just coming up to my fourteenth birthday when several of the girls from year eleven went missing, their bodies found soon after, drained of blood. I shuddered at the thought of what the murderer must've done. On the first day my mum started her new job, my parents went missing and the days seemed to slow down as my birthday passed without so much as a small card and present from my brother (although I wouldn't accept it until the next year)._

_ When I found out they were dead, I practically locked myself in my room so my brother couldn't get to me as I tried to stop the tears. Eventually, I reappeared, getting ready to go to school when my brother stopped me._

_ "Look, this has been hard on both of us already and you're not ready to go back to school yet," He squeezed my shoulder and I nodded slightly, wiping my already damp sleeve across my eyes. I stayed at home that day, just typing my story or playing video games although my brother dragged me out to go jogging to see if it would help, which it did. Thank God I had my brother otherwise I would've been lost already. The next day, I returned to school, subdued and not my normal chatty self._

_ "I heard about what happened," Catherine placed her arm around my shoulder, giving them a reassuring squeeze. "Don't worry. As long as you have friends or family, you're never alone." That memory of those words made the scene change dramatically and I was in the crystal cave again, kneeling in front of my brother's grave while silent tears streamed down my face._

I woke with a gasp, my eyes shooting open while the rest of my body froze. Blinking a few times, I soon relaxed into the silk fabric of my new coffin. Ever since I'd moved back into the Hellsing organisation after being 'apparently' killed, they'd given me a coffin which, at first, I hated but I've grown to love it since it gave me privacy and a sense of peace that nothing else could. The feeling of being shot in the head with a silver bullet made me wince slightly as I clamped down on my mental bond with the other vampires. While I was gone, it appears that Alucard somehow managed to teach Seras how to get Pip, the old captain of the Wild Geese, as a vampire and not a familiar. I had my familiars but I never showed them since they would instantly get suspicious. There were times, though, that I had to struggle to hold the shadows back. Sighing, I opened my coffin and got out, resting my head against the cool stone of my room. Another memory flashed back and I growled, punching the wall with my fist which left a small fist shaped dent in the stone brick which added to the small collection around it.

"I seriously need to stop these memories or I'm dead for a third time," I muttered as I began to pace, my hands clasped behind my back. I was strange amongst vampires since I could stand sunlight without any discomfort whatsoever and I could eat normal food. Must be something to do with the chip I guess or how I was sort of part vampire before. I still needed blood but I didn't mind. Opening the door to my room, I padded out, heading up the stairs before going outside in the sunlight, breathing in the fresh air before exhaling it, jumping up into a large oak tree and lounging about on a wide branch until I fell asleep again with the sound of the birds singing in my ears.

* * *

**A/N:** I am back people! Thanks for the views for 'Blood Is The Sweetest Thing' :D Hopefully I'll be able to get a few chapters up although I get distracted easily and might not write as much.


	2. I'm Back but Broken

I was sitting outside underneath the moon's rays, eyes lazily drifting over the stars and constellations as a few memories of my past life drifted in and out of my mind. It was difficult, knowing that someone that I cared for was practically right in front of me but I couldn't reach out to them for comfort or tell them everything. The words that my friend Catherine had said to me years ago echoed in my mind.

'_As long as you have friends or family, you're never alone._' A single crimson tear slid down my cheek as I closed my eyes and tilted my head back to the sky, glad for once that I'd known a few private places where I could reflect without having to worry about someone interrupting me or causing me to let the memories slip onto the mental link between the vampires in Hellsing. It seems that while I was gone for a year, Alucard had managed to teach Seras how to get Pip as a proper being instead of being in her blood. Everything seemed to have changed so much while I was gone and I found myself wishing for the way it was before, just me as a human (sort of) and everyone was happy. I smiled softly at the memory of the first and only Christmas I spent at Hellsing, especially remembering the little trick we pulled at the Christmas dinner. Several memories and thoughts drifted through my head but I remembered to keep my mental bond clamped down although my base feelings like sadness, distress and joy couldn't be stopped and right now, I was getting a worrying feeling from Seras who tried to get to me but I shoved her away mentally, wanting to be on my own. I thought it would be better if I came back but things have just been deteriorating for me ever since I returned, especially my emotional state which had been in tatters before.

Why had Sir Integra hired me anyway instead of order me to be killed? Was this some kind of sick trick on fates behalf? Growling to myself, I hopped down off the spire I'd been perched on, swinging through the open window on the top floor, closing it softly behind me before I headed towards the library, my only way of being myself without having to hide it since there were plenty of dark places to read where no one could see me. Picking up a book, I pulled one of the comfy chairs into one of the said dark places and I sat, snuggling into the rich leather while I read the book. The book was 'Dracula' by the famous Bram Stoker. Ironically, we had Dracula in the basement but he didn't seem too happy these days and I'd made sure I steered clear of him most of the time. The others thought that I didn't like his company or couldn't take the aura of power but I actually craved his company and felt safe in his powerful aura. While I read, I listened to some music until I began to sing along subconsciously, my quiet voice probably making the inhabitants with more sensitive hearing turn their heads if they were in the library but I doubted it since it was pretty close to dawn.

"I didn't know we had a song lark," The velvety voice made me slam the book shut and I glanced up hurriedly before realising my facade slipped but I quickly had it up and running again, glaring at Alucard coldly even though my heart melted at the sight of him.

"Yeah, well there are people with talents you know," Shoving past him, I placed the book back where I found it. I was about to leave the library when he spoke up.

"You and I have a mission in Dorking. Be at the entrance to the estate in two minutes." I felt him disappear and I gritted my teeth, fists clenched. Dorking had been my home before Ockley. This was going to be fun.

I had a fun time on the way there since I kept annoying the older vampire by doing noises with whatever he did until I eventually had to stop since he was close to hitting me judging by his glare. I simply smiled back smugly and before long, we were in Dorking, just outside Meadow Banks park and I glanced about, my new handgun feeling strange in the holster hidden by my small denim jacket. Scenting the air, I smelled the vampire and it's filthy ghouls and I wrinkled my nose in distaste before I set off towards the North, soon finding the vampire crouched over a dead person who was rapidly coming back to life as a ghoul. Before the ghoul had a chance of reanimating, I shot it in the hand, causing the vampire to snap its head towards me.

The vampire seemed to be a teenage boy with bleach blonde hair and the usual blood red eyes.

"Your kind put a stain on the vampire name," I spat onto the concrete as I finished my little statement. "Hope you enjoy hell since you're going there pretty soon." And with that, I was ripping the ghouls with my bare hands, watching their blood spray into the air as I went on a killing spree, my eyes glowing in the night. I had no restraints and I allowed myself to become myself once again as my smirk turned to a mad man grin, revealing my fangs glimmering in the moonlight. I was soon surrounded by pieces of ghoul and I stood there, splattered with blood while the teen vampire stared at me before snapping his fingers. Several more large groups of ghouls appeared except these ones were armed.

"Let them come," I purred, holding out my arms as they opened fire. I still had a huge soul count since I hadn't had to use them lately but I was just dying to show this brat who he was dealing with. The bullets stung but they were more like a wasp sting compared to what I'd been through before. I felt myself fall to the floor and I allowed the boy to think I was dead when I heard Alucard stepping forward. I was planning on holding my fake death for a while longer but I wanted to kill the boy so I sent a soul in place of mine, feeling energy flood my limbs as I was carried up on a wave of shadows, drawing both of their attentions while I grinned, features concealed while my creatures came out to play, roaring, yowling and generally making a loud noise while I finally stepped out the shadows, a playful yet serene smile on my features as my good old coat blew out behind me as I tugged on my gloves to make sure they were on properly. Instead of my old white jeans, they were a dark red like almost dried blood.

"Well isn't this a beautiful night for bloodshed, isn't it Alucard?" I looked at him straight in the eye, looking for any kind of recognition but I got none, only coldness. My good mood before dropped and I sighed, flicking my wrist and sending one of my creatures to finish off the vampire. I noticed my lion familiar was eating too quickly I tapped it on the nose. "Chew it then swallow, dummy." The lion did something that was halfway between a growl and a grumble as it did as I instructed it, chewing the piece of vampire before swallowing. I stroked it for a while before turning my attention back to Alucard who was already in Control Art Restriction 1 and I closed my eyes, shaking my head slowly as I began to walk away, even though he was probably intent on killing me once and for all, despite how many times it would take to deplete my soul count but I didn't care. He had practically erased the me before the chip from his mind. No, he wouldn't do such a thing. Someone else had done it! The realisation made me gasp and I stood stock still, eyes wide while a few crimson tears dripped from my eyes before I whirled and threw my arms around him, burying my face in his shoulder. Even though he was tensed to kill me, I just kept weeping into his shoulder.

Ever since I'd been hired again, I'd needed someone to lean on but the people who I could lean on where the very people who ruined my life. Without another word, I ran into the shadows, disappearing before I reappeared in Skipton in Yorkshire, finding a nice dark place where I crumpled in on myself and cried, allowing the tears to spill through my gloves as emotion finally took me. I was back, but I was broken.


	3. What a Surprise

It had been a week or so since the little incident and I was on my way to the swimming pool, my sports bag draped over my shoulder while I looked up at the sky, the white clouds tinged red with the late sunset lazily drifting along breezes high up above. I was wearing a special pair of coloured contacts that a friend of mine made which completely covered my red irises, not even giving a hint of the colour beneath. Also, I'd changed my form to a girl in her early twenties with dark hair that fell to her waist in ringlets and a slight form although, despite her small size, her breasts were pretty big which surprised me since while I was changing forms, I didn't think about anything except going into another form different from my original one. As I calmly walked into the reception, I ignored the stares that most of the single men shot my way, paying for my session before going into a changing cubicle and getting changed into a black and white bikini with a few gold decorations.

When I exited and placed my stuff in a locker, I got several wolf whistles but I shot venomous glances at anyone who dared to do it until they were all silent. Heading towards the large pool, I stood at the deep end, taking a deep breath before diving in, entering the water smoothly and I stayed under for a while but not too long to make the life guards think that I'd drowned. This form got on my nerves at point due to the large boobs and I almost growled in annoyance as they caused extra drag in the water. I felt a few men swim up beside me, all murmuring amongst themselves and, since my ears were super sensitive, I could tell they wanted to have sex with me.

"Don't even think about trying it, boys," I warned, laughing at their shocked expressions. "I have good hearing." One of them, however, didn't seem perturbed and they swam closer.

"I think you need a bit of release since you seem pretty wound up," They smirked, sneaking a hand under the water and squeezing my boob. "How about you and me find a hotel and spend a night there" He went to squeeze my breast again but I grabbed his hand, beginning to clench my fist until I felt his joints begin to grind against one another.

"If you ever try anything like that again," I threatened, allowing my predator side into my voice, giving it an almost growling quality. "I'll make sure you never have sex with a pretty girl that takes you fancy and you'll have to explain why you can't have it." The boy whimpered and I released his wrist, allowing him to hastily swim away, wide eyed and obviously scarred for life from that little encounter that probably made him wet himself since I could smell the urine hidden amongst the reek of chlorine. I swam back and forth until I decided to sit at the side, paddling my legs in the water while I chatted with a girl who'd said 'Hello', albeit rather shyly. I soon learned that she liked video games and anime as much as I did and we were soon chatting away.

"Have you heard about the new game coming out this Autumn?" I glanced at her out the corner of my eye as I asked her.

"Yeah, it's about shooting demons and stuff, right?" Her voice was soft and reflective which was in stark comparison to my strong voice which was kind of deep for a girl.

"That's right. It's based off a few myths around the world. I mean, there's a mission in Australia where you have to kill a few little red men called 'Yara-ma-yha-who' who eat people and then vomit them back up. The person who'd been eaten appears a bit shorter and redder and they can be eaten a few more times until they turn into a Yara-ma-yha-who themselves. Also, there's one in Leicestershire where you have to kill something called Black Annis."

"How do you know about the missions? I thought any information about the game was, like, top secret or something."

I looked at her, tilting my head slightly. "I have a lot of money at my disposal."

"Awesome. Oh, by the way, the latest episode of the new Higurashi series is coming out in a few days."

"Sweet! I love that anime!"

"Same!"

We continued to talk for what seemed like ages until I noticed three people enter that made my blood run cold. Integra looked younger than I remembered her and I frowned slightly before I almost smacked myself on the head for my stupidness. Alucard must've changed her or something like that so he wouldn't not have a master to serve. Seras and the aforementioned vampire looked the same as ever and they were chatting, Seras in a blue bikini while Integra was in similar bikini although it had several patterns on it. What Alucard was wearing made a smile appear at the corner of my mouth as I looked at his red swimming trunks while he got into the warm water.

"Hey..." The girl who I was chatting to tugged on my arm slightly. I shook my head hastily, as if awakening from a day dream and I turned to her, smiling. "I saw you looking at that guy over there. I have to say, I can't help but stare as well."

"Yeah. He certainly seems to be someone with a mischievous side." As the words left my mouth, I came up with an idea and I quickly whispered in the girl's ear what I planned and we grinned at each other before heading towards the lockers and grabbing some talcum powder and I pretended to look for their locker while the girl searched in the opposite direction. I took my time inhaling the three's scents, saving them to the back of my mind for the future before I called the girl over. I managed to open the locker door and, powder at the ready, we covered all their things in talcum powder, even getting into their bags before closing the door. I asked the girl, who I learned was called Vanessa, to keep watch and she turned, keeping an eye out for anyone while I got the lock back into place.

"Let's go," I giggled and we hurriedly placed our things back in the lockers, locking them before heading back to the pool and having a swim together while we chatted about other things like what games were coming out and different types of cosplays and the like. I kept an eye on the Hellsing trio out the corner of my eye until Vanessa and I sat at the side of the pool again and I was able to stare at the No Life King openly and I whispered to Vanessa, keeping the act up until the vampire looked my way. I'd managed to do a trick that made it look like I was blushing and I fake blushed, turning my head away and I swear the vampire smiled crookedly.

"Oh my God, he's coming towards us!" I heard Vanessa squeal right next to me and I winced.

"Not so loud! He'll go the other way, dummie." I joked, nudging her in the ribs with my elbow and she giggled, straight blonde hair draping in front of her face. I envied her at that point since, although the hair on this point went to my waist, there was a short fringe that covered just my forehead and nothing else. The contacts I was wearing were a china blue and I stared at the vampire as his scarlet orbs met mine, something flashing in them and I felt my stomach drop. He might've recognised me but I didn't dwell on the thought. Instead, I immediately went into 'Highschool-girl-caught-staring-at-hot-guy' mode and I looked down at my hands, fake blushing like crazy. This was a bit close for comfort as he went directly in front of me and I glanced over at Integra and Seras, confused at their watchful expressions until I realised what they were doing. If Alucard sensed that I was blooded by him, then I was mince meat since Integra probably got a slight feeling when she entered.

"My, my, what large breasts for someone so young," His first comment took me by surprise and I sat ramrod straight, immediately going on the defensive.

"Well maybe mother nature wanted it to be that way so if any guy stupid enough just look at me because of my boobs came over, I'd be able to teach them not to stare and gawp like a fish on land," I snapped, the nervousness of being right in front of someone who would kill me without a second thought seeping into my tone. I saw Alucard's lips begin to curve up into a wicked grin. It seems my facade had slipped and I was immediately on my feet, taking several steps back when the lights went out, leaving everyone in complete darkness. Except me... And the three other vampires intent on killing me. I was immediately back in my normal form, Desert Eagle in hand while I grabbed my sword with the other. Alucard had his two handguns out and aimed at me, his eyes dead set on his goal and I closed my own, allowing any feeling that I thought for the vampire to leave me although they would inevitably come back later. The lights flickered back on and several people cried out in surprise at the two of us having a standoff. Vanessa could obviously recognise me, despite my rapid change in appearance and, just as Alucard's finger was tightening around the trigger of his guns, she leapt between us, receiving two bullets in her delicate body, one in the middle of her chest while the other had gone through her liver.

I called out to her, darting forward and skidded to a halt before her, carefully getting the remains of the bullets out of her while my hands fluttered over her. Because of me and my stupid slips, she'd practically lost her life since I couldn't blood her due to myself having not drunk Alucard's blood so I was still practically his fledgling. Slamming my fist into the ground in frustration, I felt the crimson tears slide down my cheek as I desperately tried to keep her awake, despite the large amount of blood she was losing.

"Damn it!" I yelled. "Why can I never do anything fucking right in my life?!" I fired several shots in Alucard's direction, hearing the bullets smack into his body. He didn't laugh which was odd since I'd expected that he would've done by now. Unless... I glanced up just as he knelt beside Vanessa, meeting my eyes for a moment and I nodded. He bit into her neck, blood spurting from the wound until the blood ceased to flow altogether for a moment until she began to breathe steadily, her eyes fluttering shut.

"Thank you," I whispered hoarsely just before his blood covered lips crushed mine. My eyes widened for a moment before they filled with tears of joy and I licked the blood off his lips just before the other two vampires pulled him away. Surprisingly, he didn't struggle and I lifted Vanessa's prone body from the ground, smashing through a window, the glass shards cutting into my sky but at that current moment, I really didn't care as I ducked behind several cars in the car park as several bullets soared over my head. I was heading towards a house at the edge of that town that was home to the family of vampires which were housing me at the current moment and I arrived, blood covering my clothes while Vanessa was still asleep in my arms. Most of the vampires had heard of me before and they cowered as I entered before I told them that I was the girl from before and they relaxed slightly, some helping me pack my things and I was soon kitted out and driving towards the airport and I soon arrived, immediately heading for the private jet that was waiting for me. They didn't question why I had an unconscious girl in my arms and I got on the plane, laying Vanessa down on a bed in one part before I collapsed into my coffin which had been loaded before.

As soon as I closed my eyes, several images flashed behind my lids, causing me to gasp in surprise yet I couldn't open my eyes to stop them so I had to sit tight while they played.

* * *

_It was dark in this room, the blessed bounds tied around my arms and legs, securing me to a wall while the door slammed shut. I realised that I was viewing things from Alucard's point of view when he greeted me._

_ "_It's been a while,_" He whispered in my head._

_ "_Far too long,_" I agreed, mentally nuzzling him while he smiled._

_ "_Integra decided to throw me in here since she thought I'd lost my mind thinking you were back but I'm not am I?_"_

_ "_No._"_

_ "_Good._" _

_ "_What am I going to do with Vanessa since you're her master?_"_

_ "_I'm not her master. You are._"_

_ "_How? You're the one who changed her._"_

_ "_I merely handed being her master over you. It's a secret I learned many years back._" We stayed in companionable silence for a long time before I felt myself beginning to wake up and I hastily said goodbye, relishing it since I had a feeling I wouldn't see him for a while yet._

* * *

I sat bolt upright, the coffin lid thankfully by the side as I panted, eyes wide while Vanessa, obviously a vampire now, stared at me worriedly.

"Did you have the same dream too?" She inquired and I raised an eyebrow. "I was in a dungeon, sort of, and you and the dark haired man were talking although your lips weren't moving."

"Yes, we had the same dream," I managed to choke out before I ushered her out, closing my coffin before slipping into an uneasy sleep.

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**A/N:** Sorry for the wait :/ it's been kinda busy at home so I haven't had time to type up the chapter. Also, I might not be able to type as much since it's my birthday on Wednesday 14th so yeah... Hope you enjoy the chapter! :)


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